Trusting God

I have thought for days about this post and whether I wanted to write it and actually hit 'publish' or not. I am not really sure why I have struggled so much with it. I think it is because if I type it and put it out there it makes it more real, and it just seems easier to fight with myself in my own head with my own thoughts about it. Alas, I have decided to just do it. This is a part of our story and Abram's life, so I am going with it.

From the beginning this pregnancy has been completely different than Lexi's. Deep down in my heart I knew from the beginning Abram was a boy. Call it what you will but I just had that gut feeling. Was I in denial? Heck yes! I was still shocked when we found out for sure he was in fact, a he! When we went to our first ultrasound/appointment with Dr. H we found out that I have a heart murmur. Weird because I have never had a heart murmur before. But we also found out It could be completely pregnancy related but we had to get it checked, just to be safe. Dr. H likes to err on the side of caution, which I absolutely love about him. He truly is an amazing doctor and I wish he could be my general practitioner. I was also having some strange chest pains so it was definitely best to be safe. Well after two cardiologist visits, an ultrasound of my heart, and a CT scan we found out that it indeed is pregnancy related and will not affect my pregnancy at all. Praise God! What a blessing.

Well, fast forward to 21 weeks when we had our anatomy scan. I had a new doctor at this point because the commute was getting to be too much (an hour and a half each way with no traffic) and I liked her enough. During the routine ultrasound they found that Abram's kidney had some abnormal dilation but it was mild. They would recheck it at 32 weeks. We didn't really worry too much because she assured us it was completely normal and that it happens in half of her pregnancies- so much so that she didn't think it should even be considered abnormal. She said sometimes they just take a little bit longer to develop and it should clear up on its own. Well God had a different plan and we ended up moving back to be closer to family this year and that is when I switched back to Dr. H. God has had his hand in this since day one.

So  I had my checkup with Dr. H around 23 weeks and I asked him if there was any way that we could do the ultrasound to double check that kidney at 28 weeks instead of 32. He happily obliged. Fast forward to 32 weeks- Dr. H's ultrasound tech did the ultrasound and found that not only was kidney still dilated, but it was bigger than it was when they first found it. Insert panic. I saw Dr. H directly after and he explained a few things that It could be and decided it would be best for me to see the high risk doctor that Friday. I left with the name of what they thought was wrong- hydronephrosis and did as much research as I possibly could before my appointment Friday. I went armed to see the high risk doctor (Dr. M) with all of my questions! Little did I know just how pointless that was. Dr. M's ultrasound tech was doing the second level ultrasound and asks Dr. M's nurse 'Can you go get the doctor please?' Come to find out Abram has a cyst inside his kidney which is causing the dilation. This is a wait and see type of situation. We don't know why it is there, how bad it is, what is causing it, what it means for Abram's life. I left feeling more lost and confused than I had in the first place. The doctor wasn't very reassuring at all. I had an appointment to double check his kidney in 6 weeks to see if it got worse (I would be exactly 35 weeks at this appointment).

Last Friday was my second appointment with the high risk doctor, Dr. M. Ryan was supposed to join me but we thought Lexi might be sick so he stayed home with her, just to be safe. Plus, it was a crazy early appointment 7:30 so I think he wanted to sleep in :). So we get in there and the ultrasound is doing her thing again and starts getting a little nervous and is asking the nurse 'Do you see that?', 'I can't believe we missed this last time!', 'Check her chart, is it in there?'. Well then the doctor comes in, same exact thing. 'I can't believe we missed this!', 'How did we miss this?' At this point I am freaking out. What the heck is going on? So I ask. Apparently I/Abram have an issue with the umbilical cord- single umbilical artery. In English this means that a typical umbilical cord has two vessels and an artery and looks like a mickey mouse head, but ours has one vessel and one artery. I asked them what this means and they said that if they would have found it I would have been monitored much more closely because it leads to small birth weight babies. Oh, and after asking he informed me Abram's kidney looks to have grown a little. And he mentioned to the ultrasound tech and nurse that it looks like it may be extending into the pelvis or something like that. He officially released me from being 'high risk' and sent me on my way.

I went home and researched it and freaked myself out, of course. So immediately I called Dr. H to see if I could move my appointment up. Well he happily obliged and I saw him today! Praise God everything is perfect with him, except for his kidney which did grow a little bit. That will be examined once he is here. He is measuring great and Dr. H said if I last til my due date he will likely be an 8 lb baby! Eek. Not sure how I feel about that, ha! So the wait is officially on. If my water breaks by some crazy chance or I go into labor at any time from here on out it will be Go time!! We are thrilled. Come on Baby Abram- 30 days or less!